Hard Getting It Right

It seems everybody wants a piece of my action. I go left, someone has something to say. I got right, someone else has something to say. The lesson in all these, just be steadfast and focus on the objective. Letting emotions get in the way will only complicate matters and i am trying very hard not to let it happen. Any relationship requires work and work it I must.

Man Now

People's expectation of others and of themselves is warped at best. I look forward to a world like Star Trek, where the goal of humanity is to better itself and not change after capitalism and materialism. People also have a tenancy to hear what they want to hear and believe what they want to believe. Why do some people exaggerate their contributions and trivialize others? And i speak this in the context of company who pledge commitment and alliance to each other.

Waking up is not a challenge. Having to run a business and have a job is not a challenge. Everyday, many things can bring me down, i think i am resilient enough but there are times when the strongest ME cannot deal with the biggest challenges. Two things i do not have enough now, time and money. I can only work so much to generate income. I pray for deals to close faster and for the process to be smooth. I need time to deal with the challenges (time like an hour or two) not weeks on end. I do not have that luxury. The last 10 years has seen many personal, professional challenges come and dealt with. Just pray i have the energy and determination to continue to fight this fight.

this is what she wrote

"I make myself very sad whenever I speak to you about it, have you ever felt like you have lost a special thing and you can't do anything about it except to look back at memories and it just keeps piercing your heart "

from my point of view. It seems that it is my wrong doing again. everything was nice and cosy but she is on MC and has too much time to think about things.

asking if other ppl will infulence me to be negative. Told her to have some faith in me. Constantly thinking of the wrong things that i will do. What kind of mind set is that? Why must there always be a new thing to trouble her?

Life is good, enjoy it. Why think of what will go wrong or when it will go wrong.

is stress a funtion of enviornment or self or both? I am not very close to my parents, not sure due to what god forsaken reason. I just can't talk to them.

i got a biz partner who just fires off something when he thinks of it. my partner say things that will hurt me so bad, i really feel bad for myself.

so where does the problem lie? me or others? i think "me" should slove the problem instead of leaving to others. but with my current load of crap on my plate, i do not have the bandwidth.

earning my keeps has gotten harder and more effort is needed and my partner does not seem to understand. my biz is will be slow for the next 2 months, one of the female biz partner is having some personal issues and is neglegting the biz. my other biz partner and me are swamp with work and headaches to deal with.

i need to earn myself out of this, so much commitments and so little money.

i feel so stupid and helpless, i have repeated my story to my friends so many times i am sick of telling it again but today, i just have to let it out somewhere.

geezzz man...i just wish i can disappear for 1 day to rest and recoup to deal with all these shit on my plate.